The stylings of Northeast Philadelphia’s Fashion Laureate - Jeff Schwartz. Have YOU had a “NEAR JEFF EXPERIENCE”?Tumblr (3.0; @nearjeffexperience)http://nearjeffexperience.tumblr.com/<p>I could teach you, but I’d have to charge. And thank you, I use vitamin-rich conditioners each time I bathe.</p>http://nearjeffexperience.tumblr.com/post/21449074268http://nearjeffexperience.tumblr.com/post/21449074268Fri, 20 Apr 2012 16:19:22 -0400<iframe width="400" height="300" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/N_ET96a-ego?wmode=transparent&autohide=1&egm=0&hd=1&iv_load_policy=3&modestbranding=1&rel=0&showinfo=0&showsearch=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br/><br/><p>Clothes really do make the man as evidenced by this sultry video of fashion icon Jeff Schwartz.</p> <p>Of note is the wonderful shirt tuck achieved here. Just wunderbar.</p> <p>Sheer perfection.</p>http://nearjeffexperience.tumblr.com/post/21448805668http://nearjeffexperience.tumblr.com/post/21448805668Fri, 20 Apr 2012 16:14:01 -0400<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m2sjwjNw9E1ruoe7xo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>Is it a raver? Perhaps the Duke of some English territory? Oh, a pirate? Hipster Billy Shakespeare aficionado? Transgender Wicked Witch of the West?</p> <p>Nay, fellow fashion lovers. This is the sublime amalgamation of all things high fashion that ever were and ever will be.</p> <p>Aspire to this lest you go stick your head in an oven, fashion pretenders.</p>http://nearjeffexperience.tumblr.com/post/21444655921http://nearjeffexperience.tumblr.com/post/21444655921Fri, 20 Apr 2012 14:41:07 -0400ultimate fashions“Just look at American fashion, which is almost fashion. It’s terrible and you almost can’t look at it.”<br/><br/> - <em>Roberto Cavalli</em>http://nearjeffexperience.tumblr.com/post/21443016928http://nearjeffexperience.tumblr.com/post/21443016928Fri, 20 Apr 2012 13:58:04 -0400fuq da haterz<p>Bro there is a sale on some sweet checker-pattern button downs at Kohl’s this weekend, check it out so you can REALLY feel my style, bro!</p>http://nearjeffexperience.tumblr.com/post/21442873514http://nearjeffexperience.tumblr.com/post/21442873514Fri, 20 Apr 2012 13:54:13 -0400<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m2rcsaLFB81ruoe7xo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>Is your fashion sense in D’Spayre? Call Dr. Strangeschwartz for a cape and cowl consultation and you’ll be wondering how you ever lived your life as a Mindless One!</p> <p>You will be VELOURed when showing off this ensemble of CRUSHed VELVET while traversing the UNDERGROUND.</p> <p>Wear this style and your rivals will run crying to their DORMAMMA.</p>http://nearjeffexperience.tumblr.com/post/21418817834http://nearjeffexperience.tumblr.com/post/21418817834Thu, 19 Apr 2012 23:09:00 -0400dr strangelovehtatdressfashion designer supreme pizzajeff schwartzdormammaduke<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m2rbxv9Hrs1ruoe7xo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>Intergalactic Gala coming up and don’t know what to wear?</p> <p>Jeff Schwartz has been there, my friends. He’s been back and forth from the future in a Delorean that DOESN’T EVEN EXIST YET.</p> <p>Yes, THAT is how ahead of the fashion game Mr. Schwartz is. Been there done that before that has even been before or after that. Wrap your Ed Hardy scarf around THAT.</p> <p>Want the look? Sorry, Sanchez, you gotta wait THIRTY YEARS.</p> <p>AT LEAST.</p>http://nearjeffexperience.tumblr.com/post/21417787571http://nearjeffexperience.tumblr.com/post/21417787571Thu, 19 Apr 2012 22:51:00 -0400use coupon code schztzwitu at checkout at woolworth.com in 30 years to maybe get this coolyou wishjeff schwartz is cooler than you can be based on the principles of probability<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m2rbjdhCcG1ruoe7xo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>Do you need your sidewalk shoveled? IN STYLE? Then you probably need JEFF SCHWARTZ and this fantastic jacket made from a 60/40 cotton flame-retardant polyester blend.</p> <p>Your neighbors are sure to be jealous of your Polar Bear Pool Boy look this winter!</p> <p>Just another example of keepin’ up with the Schwartz’.</p>http://nearjeffexperience.tumblr.com/post/21417278554http://nearjeffexperience.tumblr.com/post/21417278554Thu, 19 Apr 2012 22:42:00 -0400jeff schwartzmagnificentseriously look at this jacketshovel my snow if you know what i mean<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m2rajz3EBi1ruoe7xo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>An impeccably dressed Schwartz sporting the thatched sweater from the Foreman Mill’s Collection underneath a spectacularly designed “Pigeon-Grey” brushed flannel button-down from Route 66.</p> <p>Gorgeous.</p> <p>You wish.</p>http://nearjeffexperience.tumblr.com/post/21415990208http://nearjeffexperience.tumblr.com/post/21415990208Thu, 19 Apr 2012 22:21:35 -0400dont you wish your jeff schwartz was hot like me?foreman millsforeman milfsgorgeousstunnningfashioneaster collectionjeff schwartz<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m2ra389Ipa1ruoe7xo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>Rugged footwear for the avid Frankford Ave. Pavement Pounding Pedestrian (and Jeff has pounded his fair share of PAVEMENT if you know what I mean, dawg!! Heh heh heh!)</p> <p>Knit-tied laces for those times you just need to <strong>knot</strong> pay a cab driver for services rendered! Speaking of rendered, these fabulous boot-sneakers are made from REAL PIG SKIN or a reasonable facsimile of!</p> <p>Want to get yours today? Tough shit, you AREN’T JEFF SCHWARTZ.</p>http://nearjeffexperience.tumblr.com/post/21415363957http://nearjeffexperience.tumblr.com/post/21415363957Thu, 19 Apr 2012 22:11:31 -0400tough shitpavementfaux suedefake swedesjeff schwartz<p>Sometimes Bloomingdales, often Carrefour. Family Dollar when I gotta pinch dem pennies, na’mean?</p>http://nearjeffexperience.tumblr.com/post/21415046324http://nearjeffexperience.tumblr.com/post/21415046324Thu, 19 Apr 2012 22:06:38 -0400<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m2r9ns9Scd1ruoe7xo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>Inset: Michael Jackson</p> <p>Here we have Mr. Schwartz modeling a light-fitting 40/70 polyester/rayon blend button-up “Party-<strong>Hardy</strong> Dress Shirt” in the “Hexagonimaniacs” (or “DN Ehhh Alright!” style).</p> <p>Want the look?</p> <p>BE JEFF SCHWARTZ.</p>http://nearjeffexperience.tumblr.com/post/21414765690http://nearjeffexperience.tumblr.com/post/21414765690Thu, 19 Apr 2012 22:02:15 -0400hexagonimaniacspolyesterrayonjeff schwartz<p>White socks</p>http://nearjeffexperience.tumblr.com/post/21412943694http://nearjeffexperience.tumblr.com/post/21412943694Thu, 19 Apr 2012 21:34:40 -0400