Anonymous asked: OMG. All the swoons. Please teach me to dance like that with you!!! P.S. - Your hair is nice :)
I could teach you, but I’d have to charge. And thank you, I use vitamin-rich conditioners each time I bathe.
Clothes really do make the man as evidenced by this sultry video of fashion icon Jeff Schwartz.
Of note is the wonderful shirt tuck achieved here. Just wunderbar.
Sheer perfection.
Is it a raver? Perhaps the Duke of some English territory? Oh, a pirate? Hipster Billy Shakespeare aficionado? Transgender Wicked Witch of the West?
Nay, fellow fashion lovers. This is the sublime amalgamation of all things high fashion that ever were and ever will be.
Aspire to this lest you go stick your head in an oven, fashion pretenders.
”
Just look at American fashion, which is almost fashion. It’s terrible and you almost can’t look at it.
Roberto Cavalli
Anonymous asked: Bro im feelin ur style bro i like wut ur doin fuq da haterz bro
Bro there is a sale on some sweet checker-pattern button downs at Kohl’s this weekend, check it out so you can REALLY feel my style, bro!
Is your fashion sense in D’Spayre? Call Dr. Strangeschwartz for a cape and cowl consultation and you’ll be wondering how you ever lived your life as a Mindless One!
You will be VELOURed when showing off this ensemble of CRUSHed VELVET while traversing the UNDERGROUND.
Wear this style and your rivals will run crying to their DORMAMMA.
Intergalactic Gala coming up and don’t know what to wear?
Jeff Schwartz has been there, my friends. He’s been back and forth from the future in a Delorean that DOESN’T EVEN EXIST YET.
Yes, THAT is how ahead of the fashion game Mr. Schwartz is. Been there done that before that has even been before or after that. Wrap your Ed Hardy scarf around THAT.
Want the look? Sorry, Sanchez, you gotta wait THIRTY YEARS.
AT LEAST.
Do you need your sidewalk shoveled? IN STYLE? Then you probably need JEFF SCHWARTZ and this fantastic jacket made from a 60/40 cotton flame-retardant polyester blend.
Your neighbors are sure to be jealous of your Polar Bear Pool Boy look this winter!
Just another example of keepin’ up with the Schwartz’.
An impeccably dressed Schwartz sporting the thatched sweater from the Foreman Mill’s Collection underneath a spectacularly designed “Pigeon-Grey” brushed flannel button-down from Route 66.
Gorgeous.
You wish.
Rugged footwear for the avid Frankford Ave. Pavement Pounding Pedestrian (and Jeff has pounded his fair share of PAVEMENT if you know what I mean, dawg!! Heh heh heh!)
Knit-tied laces for those times you just need to knot pay a cab driver for services rendered! Speaking of rendered, these fabulous boot-sneakers are made from REAL PIG SKIN or a reasonable facsimile of!
Want to get yours today? Tough shit, you AREN’T JEFF SCHWARTZ.
